The Donor You Should Not Chase

Issue #46
3-minute read

We have a prospect who can't decide.

Not because they aren't interested. Not because the mission doesn't resonate. But every time we come back with a program idea, it's not quite right.

Too broad. Too specific. Not the right population. Not the right geography.

We've generated four or five compelling options. Each one grounded in real need. Each one a genuine fit for what they told us mattered to them.

Still not quite right.

At some point, the question stops being "what's the right program" and starts being "what's the right decision — for us."

The Opportunity Cost We Don't Name

Every prospect in your portfolio is borrowing time. Time your gift officers could spend on relationships that are moving. On prospects who know what they want to fund and are ready to be asked.

The prospect who can't decide isn't just stalled. They're creating drag.

I'm not talking about a prospect who needs cultivation. Cultivation has a logic — a timeline, a set of meaningful touchpoints, a relationship arc that's building toward something.

A stalled prospect is different. The relationship isn't building. It's circling.

When we track pipeline velocity, this is what slow looks like in practice. It's not always a neglected prospect or a missing proposal. Sometimes it's an active, well-managed relationship that has quietly stopped moving.

The Strategic No is Still a Decision

Our gift officers have always had the authority to make this call. That's intentional. The person closest to the relationship is best positioned to read it and know when the indecision is temporary and when it's structural.

What that call requires isn't a rubric. It's judgment. And judgment comes from knowing the prospect well enough to name what's happening.

In our 1:1s, we talk about it this way: if you removed this prospect from your portfolio tomorrow, what would you do with that capacity? If the answer is pick up two or three better-qualified relationships, that's your answer.

The strategic no protects the gift officer's time. It protects the portfolio. And it keeps velocity honest.

What We Do Before We Walk Away

We don't walk away quietly. It's one final, honest conversation. Sometimes it's the most direct one we've had.

"We've brought you several ideas, and none of them have felt right. Help me understand what's driving that."

Sometimes that surfaces something real. A family dynamic. A giving decision still in process. A timeline we didn't know about.

Sometimes it doesn't. And that's the answer too.

On My Radar

Unrelated to today's topic — but very related to making your team's thinking visible.

A LinkedIn connection asked if she could help. Phyllis Dealy, founder of Reinvent the World, leads a strategic consulting firm that uses systems thinking to help organizations create lasting change.

She walked us through the Iceberg Model using a Miro board, and we were genuinely blown away. Not just by the framework, but by how she facilitated it using this online tool. We left with a clear understanding of a problem we'd been struggling to put into words for months.

Miro, as a thinking tool with your team, is worth a look. And if you get the chance to work with Phyllis — take it.

Your Turn

Before Friday, look at your pipeline. Identify one active prospect relationship that has been circling for more than 90 days without a clear next step. Write down one sentence naming what’s actually stalling it. That’s your starting point.

Coming Next Week

The ask that arrives too early. We've all been there. The relationship is promising, the prospect is engaged, and the budget pressure pushes to schedule the solicitation before the work is done.

Next Sunday: how to protect the ask, manage internal pressure, and know when the timing is right.

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Cheers,
Christine

PS — If you’re carrying a stalled prospect right now and aren't sure whether to hold or walk away, reply and let me know what you’re navigating. I respond to every message.

PPS — Cause & Capital is my newsletter for the other side of the table. If you have a corporate partner or major donor who thinks strategically about giving, it might be worth a pass-along. Reply "C&C" and I'll send you the link.

I’m Christine Bork, Chief Development Officer at the American Academy of Pediatrics. I write Chief Fundraiser Weekly to share what I’m learning as I lead a growing team and try to do the work in a way that’s sustainable and thoughtful.